Life

Life, it has many steep hills to climb, and many slippery slopes to get down. There are hairpin curves that we get thrown from time to time. Once in awhile you are on a nice long straight stretch when life seems to be going okay. But those long stretches don't seem to last very long. Life isn't easy, and it wasn't mean to be, but sometimes it seems too hard, and too challenging. I am having one of those days today... even one of those weeks. I have never had a complete meltdown, where the tears start to flow and I let all my emotion out. I seem to keep it bottled in and my head starts to think about all the possible scenarios of how to make life better. How life would be better if Tyler were to quit his job and find something where he could be home more. I find myself envying those women whose husbands have a 9 to 5 job, and whom are home on weekends. Whose jobs don't require them to cut there holidays short because they have a staff shortage. I find myself thinking about all the time my boys are missing with their dad because of his work load. and I have been finding myself thinking of the blessings I don't have, instead of counting the many bounteous blessings we have been given.

Today I came very close to letting my emotions get the best of me, and it would have been at church, which wouldn't have been very good. I found myself yet again taking the kids to church by myself. And it can be trying on the best of days, but today was not MY day. Carson was being a little terror and wouldn't co-operate. Then we couldn't find a seat in the chapel because people won't scoot to the middle of the row so others can sit on the outside. So we didn't have a place to sit other than in the gym, which made the kids even more rambunctious. I just couldn't take it, and my nerves were shot. So after 20 minutes I packed them up and we left. I could tell that a few other ladies new I was stressed out. They expressed to me that they understood and they too at times have felt the same way I do. I really feel though that I am the only women who has thoughts of packing a suitcase, getting a passport and leaving to somewhere tropical for a vacation by myself, letting my husband deal with EVERYTHING! I often feel unappreciated with all that I have to do, and all that I do accomplish. I know that Tyler works hard, and I appreciate that he is a hard worker and that he is a good provider, but I honestly don't think men understand just how much WE do! Maybe I am finding that if he would express his thankfulness more often it would make it worth it. The kids don't give me any positive reaction or praise for all I do, so the only person I can get it from is Tyler, and he really has been lacking in this area. I know that the storm rages before it calms down, and I am just wondering when this storm I am in is ever going to cease. I keep trying to tell myself that I am doing the best I can, that I can endure a little longer...but how long?

Sorry that this post wasn't very encouraging, but I felt it might do me good to get my feelings down. :) Here is to better days and brighter tomorrows. My mom always told me that it would be better in the morning, and it was.